As you are all raging on Twitter tonight and proclaiming your thoughts and feelings about various Republican debate responses, I am here to lighten the mood.
The Republican presidential debate is important and thought-provoking. To me- it is important and thought provoking for many reasons- many more than simply America’s political state. So I’m here to shed light to you on how I see our
Republican Presidential debate- in the most non-political way possible. Few will be mentioned, and my comments will be as irrelevant as Hilary Clinton- oh wait, she’s all we seemed to talk about tonight- but anyways, you get the picture.
First and foremost– whose production idea was it to put a full-sized plane as the backdrop? Who puts planes in libraries? Why are we holding the debate in a library with no books? America, this lacks logic.
Chris Christie– Spare yourself the talking time and cut out the words “New Jersey” from your every other sentence. No one questions where you’re from the second you open your mouth.
Ted Cruz, I’ve caught you. Ladies and Gentlemen- LOOK CLOSER. The plastic surgery is abundant. Do you think those are his actual cheekbones? You thought wrong. Pay closer attention.
Carly Fiorina, whose your Botox doctor? While they’ve gone slightly overboard, they’ve done well.
Jeb Bush, I was hoping you would #tbt (we’re close enough) and bring along your brother’s cat portraits he created while serving as President of the United States.
John Kasich “People are still getting to know me, so I want to talk about me.” You are not good looking enough to be vain.
Rand Paul– Was 14 your High School track jersey number? BE HONEST. (Hint- 14% tax rate)
Scott Walker: Your lip sweat is overwhelming. It’s all I can think about. You can practically drink it. Also I’ve never seen someone who is more “Wisconson” than you. You may have left the Midwest, but the Midwest will never leave you.
Donald Trump– I have a lot of trouble believing an abortion floats nowhere in your past. GIF
Noteworthy comments of the night:
Marco Rubio refers to Putin as the gangster in Russia.
Trump says, “I think Putin and I would get along well.”
With this, I conclude my analysis of the Republican Presidential Debate.
Oh, and last thing: