Part 1 of 4 of the Tinder Dating Series.
If you are a millennial, particularly a single female millennial, this article is a read that should be on your radar. It is called “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse,’” and it was recently published online by Vanity Fair. The article has picked up quite a bit of press, so naturally, I feel the need to publish my reaction. This will be a multi-article series addressing different points brought up in the Vanity Fair article. If you are hell bent on finding your husband on Tinder- part 1 is not for you.
Girls vs. Boys- Is it actually equal?
Girls and boys alike are sleeping around with no expectations and no desire for commitment. We’ve always expected this behavior from men, but this is not an uncommon behavior for either sex nowadays. Welcome to the 21st century. So when it comes to Tinder, swiping right for sex is gender-neutral. Everyone is doing it.
This article and the Vanity Fair article and are not here to shame people for having uncommitted sex. These articles are not gross accusations against “manwhores “ or “sluts”- they are commentaries on boys and girls who have embraced the casual sex phenomenon of our generation. There are a few important details that need to be noted when talking about casual sex in relation to males vs. females.
For starters, it is biologically proven that sex affects females in a different way emotionally than it does for men. We are biologically inclined to wrap our emotions into sex in a way that men are not. As casual sex becomes a new norm, girls who really are not equipped for casual sex are doing it anyways because there is a mentality that sex is the only way to get a guys attention. This is not ending well- which I am more than confident saying given the number of crying girls I’ve dealt with after the guys they have had sex with don’t talk to them.
On top of biological differences, another problem is that girls are still looked down upon by society if they sleep around to the same degree as their male counterparts. Society is certainly more tolerant than it was even a decade ago, but we still don’t view male and female casual sex as the exact same thing.
This being said, girls are not victims. Some girls are more than capable of having casual sex without expecting commitment or communication. But a lot of girls are not. Because females are biologically at a disadvantage as casual sex becomes more and more acceptable, we are at a transitional point where, if girls continue to sleep with guys when they want more than just sex, guys are going to come to expect sex without commitment more and more than they already do. It’s a cycle that is heading in the wrong direction for those of us interested in having a relationship. Apps like Tinder that make sex readily available requiring almost no effort only perpetuates this continual cycle.
The challenge of obtaining a boyfriend- because of Tinder
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that there are a plethora of good guys out in the real world waiting for you. Maybe there are or maybe there aren’t. The fact of the matter is that relationships are work, and millennials are a generation who want instant results from the work they put in. So if you aren’t looking to get married anytime soon- why put effort into a relationship- especially when there’s a chance you’ll get lucky by swiping right on your iPhone? Save your time, money, and energy and log onto Tinder when you’re craving some companionship. This is the exact type of thinking that is killing modern day romance.
As a girl, I have to take into account that society still calls me a slut for sleeping around. Because of this (along with my personal beliefs), I typically am looking for a boyfriend who wants to talk with me, take me on dates, and all of those other prehistoric notions of male-female interactions. This is how society tells me I should want to be treated, and in my case, I agree with society.
Ironically, society tells me this while also making it more acceptable and a lot easier for everyone around me to sleep with one another. So a guy is supposed to wine and dine me and get a kiss on the cheek out of it- meanwhile, he could be meeting up with the girl from Tinder who is willing to sleep with him after a drink or two.
Yes everyone, finding a significant other is difficult. Anyone who wants a relationship now has to compete with the thousands of other people who are offering up sex without effort. It’s hard for guys and girls alike who are looking for the real deal before its quite time to start thinking about doing the final settle down. Sex being the result of relationships is a thing of the past. Relationships are quickly turning into a past ideal as well.
Tinder is not designed to attract your next boyfriend
So why are you looking for him on Tinder? Do you really think that the love of your life is going to be found on an app where your profile displays multiple pictures and only one line of text about yourself? Do you think boys are looking for their next girlfriends on Tinder? Hell no they are not. In fact boys and girls alike who use Tinder to find sex are automatically going to disqualify the app the day they decide it’s time to get serious. You don’t go to McDonalds when you’re looking to have a meal you can sit and savor. You go when you want something cheap and quick. Tinder is McDonalds- if you want to be savored, realize your latest match probably isn’t looking for that.
Whether the app was originally intended to find legitimate matches or not- the app now has a reputation of being a hook up database. There will always be random success stories about couples who met on Tinder. However I implore you to grow some brain cells and realize that the success stories you hear probably won’t be you. I beg you to realize this because I am sick of hearing girls complain when no one on Tinder is ready to get down on one knee. Duh.
Finding significant other is TOUGH as highlighted in this article, but let’s get the facts straight- you should not be looking on Tinder. This is the one major takeaway that should really be cemented in your mind. We are living in an awkward world where everyone is sleeping with one another, but there is still some skepticism of girls who partake in the casual sex frenzy. Meanwhile, girls who do not partake in it are having trouble getting any attention at all because 22 year olds aren’t looking to put effort into a relationship when marriage is not an end goal.
Biologically girls are adversely affected at times when it comes to casual sex- especially compared to guys. It can feel as if sex is the only way to get male attention at times, which is a problem perpetuated by Tinder. However this problem isn’t going to get fixed anytime soon when there are 10 other girls swiping right to the guy you want to sit and talk to.
Call this article cynical- however the casual sex phenomenon caused by Tinder has had some interesting outcomes. None of what I have mentioned is anywhere near universal- these are my personal observations. In my next article, I will talk about how Tinder is not only perpetuating, but cementing our generations lack of commitment.