How the Snapchat Best Friends Can Cause Relationship Drama

Since becoming an app on the Apple App Store, Snapchat has gone through many major changes. We no longer have a visible Top 3 best friends, Stories were added and there are now face filters and games. Heck, some even watch TV through Snapchat. That being said, even though this article was published in October of 2014, it remains just as relevant today, December 2019. The latest iteration of Snapchat Best Friends (Eight now, instead of three) within a profile its causing just as much drama as the original public three best friends.

Snapchat has removed best friends in January 2015. More here.

My parents always told me to choose my friends wisely, and while I normally shrug off their advice, this is one of the few statements that has really stuck with me. You are who you surround yourself with, and this is especially the case as an adapting young adult.

However, following this advice gets confusing when you find yourself surrounded by a thousand online “friends.” Who even are your real friends? In what context is this statement applicable? The ones you hang out with in real life, of course, count as your real friends. But what about the people you text but don’t see very often? Or those you mainly interact with on Facebook? How about the people you Snapchat?

I could launch into an extensive analysis on who we should consider to be a “friend,” but for the purposes of this article, we are going to focus on Snapchat. Or more specifically, your Snapchat “best friends.”

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Being a best friend is the ultimate title and the most unbreakable of relationships. Being someone’s best friend means you are their priority. Because this is our preconceived notion of the term, it is only understandable that we put weight on who everyone’s Snapchat “best friends” are, otherwise known as their top three friends.

Snapchat best friends are described by Snapptips:

Of the many features of Snapchat, the Best Friends list is the most talked about. And there’s a good reason why. It is both loved and hated almost in the same measure; loved because it allows easy access to people you exchange snaps with regularly, and hated because this list is displayed on your profile and can be seen by anyone who views your profile.

As a serial Snapchatter, I have learned that your best friends list can have serious unintended implications. Because the names are available to every single friend you have on Snapchat, there is no hiding who you are communicating with via the social app. This list not only signifies who you’re selfie-ing, but it oftentimes comes with the assumption that you are communicating with your top three outside of Snapchat as well over texting, Facebook, real life, etc.

I would also argue that Snapchat is a flirtatious app by nature. In fact, it is speculated that the app was originally created for people who wanted to send nude photos that wouldn’t come back to haunt them in the future. The technological age has not only given us a million channels to communicate through, but it has also given us infinite more channels to flirt through as well. Snapchat is definitely one of these channels.

With a general understanding of Snapchat and the best friend list, the next step is to look at how this feature can single handedly infuse drama into your relationship.

Nothing tells you your significant other is untrustworthy like a Snapchat top three full of only people from the opposite sex, and lets hope you made the cut. We all love the argument “it is only a harmless selfie” when we are caught in the act of having a best friend on the list that we probably shouldn’t have. But millennials know, the list unfortunately matters because of what it implies.

Snapchat is the ultimate in-between because it feels harmless to send someone a ten second snap of you or your surroundings. It can seem like a safe way to have at least minimal contact with the opposite sex outside of your significant other, without really crossing any lines. But if someone is making your top three, chances are you’re reaching out a little too much for a taken girl/guy.

Because Snapchatting is associated with flirting, guy/girlfriends oftentimes get very upset to see that their significant other has been “in flirtation with,” otherwise known as Snapchatting, other people. It feels petty to start an argument over who your boyfriend has been sending selfies to, but your boyfriend’s shocking top three can be a real cause of distress.

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Seeing someone else in his top three can bring up a multitude of questions that had been completely off of your radar before. Questions like, is he bored with our relationship, does he wish he could see (insert other girl on best friends list) more often, or is he cheating on me, suddenly start popping into your head.

The natural next step is to then launch into an internal monologue berating yourself for being so psycho because it is his Snapchat best friend list for God’s sake. Our generation’s stigma that the best friends list is trivial holds true until you find yourself in this situation, and then it doesn’t seem so casual anymore!

I think the largest source of controversy over the best friends list stems from when you catch your significant other Snapchatting his/her ex. They may as well go ahead and get back together with the person if they are snapping each other incessantly. Yes, it is that big of a deal. Alternatively, if you would like to be rational about this situation, you have to at least admit that finding your boyfriend’s ex in his top three would be more than mildly disturbing. Even if you consider yourself Supergirl from Netflix, you will still be stressed about your bf talking to other girls.

All of this being said, I cannot tell you how many arguments between couples have been started due to a Snapchat best friend list. I know my own relationships have been filled with arguments over Snapchat infidelities. I was typically the serial offender, and my favorite retort to my boyfriend was that he was being absolutely ridiculous for caring about such a thing. However, I knew deep down that had the tables been reversed, it would have been World War III.

A questionable Snapchat best friend list may not be the end all be all for a relationship. However, it can definitely add to already existing tensions. It can also be an indicator that your guy/girl may not be being faithful. As crazy as all of this sounds, we don’t usually Snapchat people we don’t want attention from. Snapchatting isn’t like a text, where it is awkward when you don’t answer. Many snaps are sent out in bulk and responses are not expected. So to earn a spot in someone’s top three, there has been considerable effort put in.

It’s your decision whether your boy/girlfriend’s sketchy best friend list is worthy of an argument. But it is a topic that seems to be plaguing millennial relationships. Will this argument be infiltrating our marriages as well? That is one thing that I am very curious to see.


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Can People I Haven't Added See My Snapchat Score? | Wojdylo Social MediaCourageMy Real Thoughts on the Disappearance of Snapchat’s Top 3 | Wojdylo Social MediaWhen Will Snapchat Bring Back Best Friends? | Wojdylo Social MediaHow to Find Snapchat Best Friends with January 2015 Update | Wojdylo Social Media Recent comment authors
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[…] My parents always told me to choose my friends wisely, and while I normally shrug off their advice, this is one of the few statements that has really stuck with me. You are who you surround yourself with, and this is especially the case as an adapting young adult. However, following this advice gets confusing when you find yourself surrounded by a thousand online “friends.” Who even are your real friends? In what context is this statement applicable? The ones you hang out with in real life, of c  […]

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[…] could get if you snapcashed me $20. That might even be a full 10 second video and you could be my Snapchat best friend! Just over a year ago I said that Snapchat was a $10 billion dollar idea. I firmly believed that at […]

MisterJ
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MisterJ

Snapchat like many other social profiles destroys potential long term relationship. Especially in a time where the narcissistic people can express themselves. They get bored of their partner and instead of communicating which is a selfless act, they look else where, where the grass they think its greener. Snapchat has destroyed my relationship with a girl I thought was sweet, I caught her talking to a guy on snapchat, she stop using her account open another account and I see the same guy in her top 3 list next to her dad and cousin. No good.

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[…] Time and again I hear stories about young couples fighting over Snapchat Best Friends. For those that may not know, Snapchat shows the 3, 5 or 7 best friends of a user. These “best friends” are determined by the number of times a snap, or photo, is sent to another user. At this point, December 2014, there is no way to remove or hide Snapchat best friends. To say this has caused drama is to state that the sky is blue and the state of Kentucky loves basketball. In fact, here is an entire article on the drama that… Read more »

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[…] Twitter to dispel our every thought and viewpoint while simultaneously being unwilling to post our relationship status. Isn’t that an odd aspect of your life to hide when you are comfortable letting all 1500 of your […]

Allen mede
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Allen mede

So my girlfriends top best friend is this guy who tried to get her to send nudes and do sexual stuff with him before me and her got together. Her second is her friend who she snapchats nonstop. I don’t even fall in the top three. She says he just sends her pictures and she never replies, but should I believe that this guy has really been saying”hey” or “what’s up” 40 times a day?

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[…] Snapchat Best Friends are a very hot topic right now. Boyfriends and girlfriends are fighting over best friends lists, people want to know how to remove the best friends option and some have even given up Snapchat because it has caused drama. At this point, after quite a bit of research, I can tell you that Snapchat Best Friends are not affected by you watching Stories. I have watched Stories of several users and they have never showed up on my Best Friends list. With this being the case, go ahead and watch all the Stories you would like, you… Read more »

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[…] a very important piece of information to have because we all know the drama that can be caused with Snapchat best friends lists. As Snapchat continues to gain in popularity it will be interesting to see what other features of […]

billy blu
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billy blu

My girlfriend said the guy she’s suspecting of cheating with is in her top 3 because he is in her and her girlfriends group chats …is that possible ?

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[…] I can gather it looks as if you can see a Snapchat score but you cannot see someone else’s best friends. This is a major step forward to reduce the drama that has been caused by Snapchat. If you are one […]

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[…] are so different these days with Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. Instead of worrying about Snapchat best friends I would strongly suggest spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend and work on building a […]

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[…] about this feature is how much Millennials claim that they don’t care and don’t look at the Snapchat top friends feature. Because Snapchat isn’t as valid as texting or hanging out in person, many claim they hardly pay […]

Courage
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Courage

I don’t think snapchat is the cause of these arguements that couples seem to have. Its just a tool, an extention of ourselves. If you think your gf/bf is up to no good when they snap their ex or potential mates.. then that’s a whole nother deal. I could replace snap in the last sentence & it’ll still work; facebook, text, facetime, call, email, post card, w/e. People have an issue when they arnt the only one anymore it seems.

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[…] has become a very touchy subject for many of its users lately. With the removal of “best friends” and the changes made over the last few months some are not happy with the direction of the […]

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